Things were going well, I was happy, life was good ( for little me that is) Then without warning, it hit ME, my head started to pound, my scar was throbbing, my back was going into spasms. I was trying to keep my dinner down, I noticed that a few whitlows had appeared, and that my rash had flared up again, a few spots also popped up. How did I not notice these signs before? If I had've noticed them earlier, would I have been able to prevent the inevitable? Maybe, maybe not, I'll never know now.
I took my pills, and sloped off to my bed, just hoping that when I woke up, things would be better. I couldn't get to sleep, I couldn't get into a position in bed that was comfortable. Oh I know, I'll take two more sleepers, that'll help. I did, and it did, a bit. I woke up 4 or 5 hours later, but still no better, I had to go to the toilet, but whenever I lift my head off the pillow, I get all dizzy, it was 3 in the morning, the urgency of my toileting needs, seemed to dull the other pains a bit. I pulled myself up, tried to walk to the toilet, but fell, then just decided to crawl, with my head on the ground. At this point, I just wished it all to be over, any way possible. Oh MAKE IT GO AWAY, MAKE IT GO AWAY, MAKE IT GO AWAY. I managed to get back to bed, after Herself got up to help, but couldn't sleep, but kept my eyes closed in the hope that it would all just go away, I must've dropped off, I looked at the clock, and could see that it was 5 something, I slowly, lifted my head from the pillow, oh good, no dizzyness, thinking and telling myself to take it easy all the time, I put on my troosers, then managed to get down stairs, took my pills, and felt better.
I took it easy, and just did a few light things about the place. I then thought that I'd better have a shower. I was drying myself off, when all of a sudden, and without warning, my back went into spasms again, I couldn't move. It was as if someone or something had said " Don't forget about ME, I'm still here, you thought that you could beat ME, YOU BEAT ME?? Don't make ME laugh" I managed to struggle and dry myself. I knew that I should have gone and lay down until it had passed, but I had to get my clothes into the washing machine, and put it on. I also had to get lunch ready for Herself and Boy, so I couldn't go and lie down. I managed to get my chores done, but suffered for it.
I crawled into bed, please make it go away, please make it stop, why me? WHY ME? Have I been so bad? Oh please someone give me something to end it all, give me something to make it all go away. Please make ME go away, make ME go away. NO NO NO, make it go away, I'll close my eyes, and when I open them it'll all be over. No, it didn't work, I've taken the big painkiller now, but I was sick, and that was that. I feel so cold, oh no I'm sweating. I then think that I should give myself another pain, to take my mind off all the pain that I'm going through, but what if it doesn't work and I make things worse? I decided to just try to sleep, and maybe when I wake up, it'll have passed, or maybe just a little better. I dose off, then wake, and pinch myself, just to check it's not a nightmare, I'm still no better. I ask God for help, I told Him, that if He gets rid of this for ME I'll go to church every Sunday ( that's how bad I was feeling) Can somebody PLEASE HELP ME, I CAN't DO THIS FOR MUCH LONGER, Oh Fuck, NO, NO, No, NOOOooooooooooooo............