Blogging is quite a new thing
But how long will it last
We can't predict the future
And we can't undo the past

Is blogging an addiction
Not like drugs, or sniffing glue
If there was no more blogging
Tell me what would we all do

Blogging can't bring peace on Earth
Or feed the starving masses
As I look all around me
I can not find my glasses

Blogging can be really fun
But you need to beware of the cat
I know it's unusual, it's not a dog
This pussy, you can't stroke or pat

ONCE A DAY!

Once A Day all my troubles do get poo-ed away
But I can't shift it at all today
Oh how I wish for Once A Day

Awkwardly,
Why can't poo be like it used to be
Things don't come so easily to me
Once A Day is now awkwardly

Why I
need to go, I don't know, I shouldn't stay
I know right or wrong, Oh how I long for
Once A Day

Once A Day
Doing a poo was like child's-play
I will try once more, so go away
It used to be always Once A Day

If I
Didn't know, how to go, I wouldn't say
I've sat, here so long, I'll sing-a-song
Once A Day

Once A Day
Making poo, I did so easily
Now twice a week, and on a Sunday
It used to be good Once A Day

La, la, la, dee, di, dee di, oh Once A Day
Oh how I dream of Once A Day
I remember Once A Day
It seems only YESTERDAY!!!

This is dedicated to the loving mother Weather Hills, who was only trying to do the best for her child after all. Maybe someone should introduce her to Jake The Peg? ( Can you see what I did there?)

REAL HEADLINES!

The death of a loved one, can be difficult to arrange. I'm sure it is.
Man recovering after fatal accident. that's good to know.
Enraged bull injures farmer with axe. If you give a bull an axe, these things happen.
Protesters march over Illegal Immigrants. They shouldn't be lying on the road.
March planned for next August. I'll need to remember that for next years IB Calendar.
Shell Found On Beach. A bit unusual perhaps?
Woman denies committing suicide. It wasn't me either.
Passengers hit by canceled trains. If only there were leaves on the line, it could have been all so different.
Police found safe under bed. I used to hide under the bed,( when I was 3) maybe I should have been a PC?
Slim-fad girl, 17, vanishes. Maybe she could share her secret with a certain lady.
Bodies in garden are a plant, says wife. I think that's incorrect, it's Bodies in garden are plants, more than one body.
Magistrates act to keep theatres open. Amateur Dramatics, maybe?
Man found dead in graveyard. I'm sure if they look closer they'll find lots of dead people in the graveyard. People are dying to get in.
Plane too close to ground, Crash Probe told. Well I never? It was so close to the ground that it hit the bloody ground, do these people get paid for this?
Typhoon rips through cemetery, Hundreds dead. It's a grave situation
Well no more stupid headlines from here, there are lots of really stupid ads though.

BLOGGING'S A LOSING GAME?

See me, I have no shame
Blogging's a losing game
Tongue in cheek, but it's all the same
Blogging's a caring game

My memory could be amazed
Yet it's been erased
I have nothing planned
My Brain could use a hand

Posts cannot be found
Please look all around
I'll get a helping hand
This blog's a futile stand

Have I lost my mind?
Blogging I'm sure you'll find
Somedays, can be unkind
By those who are unsigned

Just ignore the sods
Let them pray to their gods
You know I have no shame
Blogging's a funny game.

No pictures today, the man has gone away, he said he couldn't stay, that's it for today....

FOR THE FUN TIMES!

Don't look so smug
I won't move over
You've had your fun, and with each day I keep on learning
I'm staying here, so that we can all stick together
The Sun will rise, and our world will keep on turning

May you read my blog tomorrow
Even though you'll wonder why, from time to time
You can read all my other posts
You may believe you know me, but that's fine
For the fun times

I'll post a blog, don't tell my mother
And I'll blog on, until the day that you won't read me
I'll carry on, maybe I'll tell you 'bout my brother
Better not, I never know where that might lead me

May you read my blog tomorrow
Even though you'll wonder why, you do some time
You can read all those other posts
I do believe you know me, and that's fine
For the Fun Times.....

THE READER OF MY BLOG!

Read on read on read on read on read on, I say
Do you wanna read my blog, my blog, my blog
Do you wanna be in my blog, Oh Yeah?
Do you wanna be in my blog, my blog, my blog
Do you wanna read my blog
You're the Reader, you're the Reader
You're the Reader of the stuff I post
You're the Reader, you're the Reader
Would you like some tea and toast?
I can post here all through the night, even though it's s***e
I can post here while you're in yer bed, yes I'm off my head
You gotta please read on
Read on, read on
You gotta please read it
Read on, read on
Do you wanna read my blog, my blog, my blog
Do you wanna be in my blog? Oh yeah
Do you wanna be in my blog, my blog, my blog
Do you wanna read my blog, Oh Yeah
You're the Reader, You're the Reader
The Reader of the crap I post
You're the Reader, my only Reader
So please don't give up the ghost
I can give you a great big thrill, over the hill?
I can post here, just for YOU, that's what I do
You better believe me, blog on blog on
You gotta please read it, read on, read on
Do you wanna be in my blog, my blog, my blog
Do you wanna be in my blog
BLOG ON BLOG ON BLOG ON BLOG ON BLOG ON BLOG ON, I SAAAAAAY

All that Glitters isn't gold.

I DO RUN, RUN, RUN, I DO RUN, RUN

I ate it on a sunday and my get felt ill
I do run run run, I do run run
Nobody told me that it was road-kill
I do run run run, I do run run
Yeah I got my fill
Yeah my gut felt ill
And when I sat on my Throne
I did run run run, I did run run
My bum was on fire, and I tried to dry
I do run run run, I do run run
I thought that was it, but my oh my
I did run run run, I do run run
Yeah I'm gonna cry
Oh why, oh why?
And when I sat on my Throne
I did run run run, I do run run
I've been sitting here for hours
But I'm doin' fine
I do run run run, I do run run
Sometime soon I'm gonna start to whine
I do run run run, I do run run
Yeah the smell's all mine
Yeah, I'm gonna take my time
I do run run run, I do run run.

With apologies to The Ronettes. I Do Ron Ron Ron, I Do Ron Ron.

MY WAY...

Hello, my blog is here, and I must say my back is hurting
my blog's may bring a tear, and maybe a bit of flirting
I've blogged and broke the rule, And I've surfed t'internet highway
I've bored, but just one wish, I blogged it my way
My blogs, are blogged for you, but yeah I know that is pretention
I blogged what I had to blog, even with a great big correction
I have no plan or wooden horse, A careless post, blogged on a weekday
Oh yes, I've just one wish, to blog it my way
Yeah there were blogs, just one or two,
that didn't mean a thing to you
But through my blogs, I learnt to shout
I met new friends who helped me out
I typed them all, and had a ball
And blogged it my way
I've blogged, I've shed a tear, I've had my fill, my share of boozing
I stink but blogged all that, and can I say, in a fly-way
But no, oh no that's me, I blogged it my way
For what is a blog? What has it got?
A bit of fun, a bit of snot
To post the blogs in between meals
And not the blogs of my ideals
My blogging's slow, and God only knows
I BLOGGED IT MY WAAAAAAAAYYYYYY

I WANNA GO WI' BRITNEY!

Ah wanna go wi' Britney, but Herself will nae let me.
She says if ah go wi' Britney, that she's gonna hit me.
Oh ah wanna go wi' Britney, but Herself willnae let me
Oh no Oh me Oh my.
Ah think she's in a muddle, and she jist needs a wee cuddle
Ah think I'm the man tae show her fun, but Herself willnae let me gie' her one
Ah think she's in a bit o' a pickle, and needs a wee bit o' slap'n'tickle
Ah wanna go wi' Britney, But Herself willnae let me
She says if ah go wi' Britney that she'll throw me oot, and hit me.
Oh ah wanna go wi' Britney but Herself willnae let me
Oh me, Oh my.
Ah'll get ma leather troosers, and show her a' the boozers
Ah'd even shave ma heid, but widnae touch the weed
Ah could dry all her tears, that poor lass Britney Speirs
Ah jus' wanna comfort the lass, but Herself will gie' me a kick up ma a**
Oh ah wanna go wi' Britney, but Herself willnae let me.
Ah wanna go wi' Britney, but ma leathers dinae fit me
Oh ah wanna go wi Britney, just wan kiss, if she'll let me
Oh ah wanna go wi' Britney, but Herself said she'd hit me
Oh no, Oh me, Oh my.
A jist wanna comfort the wee lassie, ah think she's awfy sassy
Ah luv that Britney Spears, fur her ah'd shave ma ears
Ah wanna go wi' Britney, but Herself willnae let me
Ah wanna go wi' Britney Spears, Ah've fancied her fur years'n'years
Ah wanna go wi' Britney, but George W Bush willnae let me
Oh no, Oh, me, Oh my.

LOOK BEYOND!

In the USA, at this moment in time, maybe not by the time you read this, but at the time of me hitting these keys with my typing finger, like now, they are voting for the best person that they see fit to represent, either the Republican Party, or The Democrat Party, to be elected the next President of the USA.
The Democrats have 2 main contenders, Barack Obama ( or O'Bama, going for the Irish-American vote there) and Hillary Clinton ( Monica Lewinki's ex-boyfriends wife) There has been a bit of hard fought rivalry between them, but I have noticed one or two disturbing elements to this, no it's got nothing to do with race ( Obama is an African-American, well that's this week anyway, ) but something that should have been thrown into the political dustbin, a long time ago.
So why do people focus on Hillary Clinton as this-:
The way she walks, the way she talks.
Her emotional stresses, the way she dresses.
Her husbands gaffes, the way she laughs.
Her choice of shoes, is that really news?
The color of her hair, dark, blonde or fair.
The food she cooks, the way she looks.
Her lipstick choice, her pitch of voice.
"Can you Iron my shirt?" A shout that hurt.
Were her tears all fake, too much rouge a mistake?
Her mature womanly grooves, the way that she moves
Her policies are all on show, isn't that all they need to know?
They don't want a woman to rule, and that's why they're being so cruel
If she was a man, or even black, the agenda could be the war in Iraq.
I don't know if she's right for the job, but think, before you open your gob.

SLOGANS TO KEEP YOU GOING!

The Grass is never Greener On the Other side! ( if you take it literally, it is possible that the grass could be greener, but that doesn't mean it's better than your grass, although it could very well be, and of course, you may not have any grass, or there may not be any grass on the other side of the street, so I'm correct then, if there's no grass, then it's not greener, you see, I got there eventually)
Keep on Keeping ON. That's more if you're feeling a bit down in the dumps, you know when life seems to be against you, and maybe it's been raining for days, and you don't seem to be getting anywhere, but don't stop, Keep on Keeping ON, if you do stop, you may not get started again, you may lose your will to keep going, you've gotta keep going, so don't stop, but Keep on Keeping ON. OK?
I've forgotten the next slogan thing, oh dash, come on, what is it? Right I've put it somewhere so I'm gonna have to go find it, I'll post this, oh sorry emm, I've gotta go and read the newspaper, so cheers for now.
Right I'm back again, I've had a shower, and washed my hair and all that, although I'm not sure if my hair is really clean, because I got mixed up between the shampoo and conditioner, I used the conditioner, thinking that it was shampoo( Sun kissed raspberry it was, and still is) so my hair may not be really clean, but it is smooth and silky, and smelling of Sun kissed raspberries, I suppose. The shower gel, was ocean breeze, so I'm smelling like a Sun kissed raspberry that's been to the beach, oh and the Nivea For Men after shave lotion, which smells just like Nivea for women, so I'm quite smelly, although a nice fresh smelly, not a dirty sweaty smelly. Oh back to Slogans.
All Hope is NOT Lost- I'm not really sure where you'd use this slogan, but you can use that if you're in a bad situation, and you're about to lose hope, then you think of a way to get you out/through the bad situation. So always think that All Hope is NOT Lost.
Never Give Up! This one can be used in certain situations, like if you're on an exercise bike, and you're really struggling to continue, and reach your goal/target, you can repeat those words to yourself, " Never give up, never give up" and then you can reach your goal/target. That's about it then.

A LIST OF THINGS!

Things That I Think You Ought To Know ( maybe some you already know)
1) Nivea for men smells just like Nivea for women.
2) The Ratio of men to women on Blogs is 3-2. no that's not right, there's 3 women for every 2 men, approx.
3) If you have back problems, slip-on shoes are a must.
4) Dr. Who is not a real person.
5) Darth Vader was Luke Skywalkers daddy
6) Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are not real people.
7) The BBC has a brand spanking new HQ, both in London & Glasgow.
8) There is a channel on satellite tv called DAVE ( honest)
9) Living on an island has it's drawbacks too.
10) It is raining here today
11) It is also quite breezy today
12) Today is Friday( that's for any Muslims reading this, you know, friday prayers and all that)
13) Friday is called Friday, because the Greek Gods said that one day a week should be kept aside for a FRY-UP, therefore friday, is your bacon, sausage ( and there's a few bloggers that like their sosidges, and a few that like a bit of sauce) egg, black pudding, fried bread, Tattie Scones ( Stag Bakers make good Tattie Scones) toast and a pot of tea or coffee to wash it all doon yer thrattle with day.
14) I'm feeling a tad peckish now, I wonder why?
15) Vegitarians shouldn't eat a fry-up, well the tattie scones are ok to eat, toast and fried bread are ok, some sosidges don't have much meat in them, so if you buy the right ones, you'd be alright there.
16) I need to go to the loo, for a number 2, not a number 2 in my list but a number 2 in the loo.
17) Number 16 was a bit too much information to give out.
18) This is the last thing that I think you ought to know ( maybe some of you already know) friendship and trust are very important if you want to remain friends, and if you trust your friends, then they are your trusted friends, if you can't trust your friends then they are no longer your friends. C U L8R M8s

TOP SECRET REVOLUTIONARY BLOGGING! ( SSSHH)

If you decide to read this top secret Revolutionary Post, you will then have to join us, in our struggle for FREEDOM, or forget what you've read.
The Revolutionary Council has decided NOT to take any action at this moment in time, and leave all options open. The Revolutionary Council has decided that NOT to Not take action may be considered too Revolutionary for some, therefore The Revolutionary Council decided NOT to decide to do anything, or Not to not take action. Inaction is as scary as action at times.
The Revolutionary Council also decided NOT to make any decisions. That was the first and only motion to be carried out by The Revolutionary Council.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE. TODAY WE MAY BE REGARDED AS TERRORISTS, TOMORROW WE WILL BE FREEDOM FIGHTERS, THEN WE WILL BECOME POLITICIANS AND LEAD OUR ISLANDS TO FREEDOM.
Oh sorry I did not realise that the cap locks. was on. The Revolution needs new recruits, if you are willing to sacrifice yourself for the greater good, and join us in our struggle to gain FREEDOM for the Islands of Scotland, then do contact The Revolutionary Council Guards at their secret location somewhere in Cromwell Street, just above the Chemist shop, which could be handy, in years to come. Thank you Comrades. LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION, that was deliberately put in capitals, by me.
this blog will self-destruct in 7 days. This does not include today, the 7 days will start from tomorrow, thursday, and will end next wednesday, unless The Revolutionary Council Decide otherwise, which is unlikely due to the secrecy that surrounds Council Members. POWER TO THE PEOPLE, FREEDOM FOR THE BLOGGERS, UP THE WORKERS.

The Revolutionary Council has decided not to make any decisions regarding the start of the Revolution, although thinking about it, The Revolutionary Council has just decided something, so deciding not to make a decision, is in fact a decision, or is it? Well anyway, that blooming Superman keeps on using our meeting room to change( alright so it's a phone box) Does anybody know where to get a lump of Cryptonite or Kryptonite ( I dunno what the correct spelling is, that's why there's two, ok?) and I'll leave it in the phone box, and he won't be so super then, will he?
So The Revolutionary Council has decided to cancel The Revolution, maybe until next Summer, it's a bit cold at night to go out and be a Revolutionary, and it's not going to get any warmer, and the nights are getting longer, plus one of the Brothers wives, won't let him do any Revolutionary stuff until he's done all those jobs around the house that need doing.
The Revolution is over. LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION, but if it's over, it can't live very long, can it? Oh well thank you people, but I will be handing over the Revolution to another Revolutionary Freedom Fighter, who shall remain nameless, well his wife has left him nameless on many an occasion, poor Tank-Top Ted from Tottenham. Long Live The Revolution Brothers and Sisters ( and mothers and fathers, grannies, grandads, aunties, uncles, nephews, nieces, cousins, and any other distant relation that I've left out, because we in THE REVOLUTION are all inclusive) MAY DAY is our DAY my fellow REVOLUTIONARIES ( it's not that we're in any trouble, it's not the may day, may day, I'm in trouble, it's the day for THE WORKERS & REVOLUTIONARIES of the world to UNITE UNDER ONE BANNER, as long as it's alright with everyone else, and we don't have to work that day)

GENERAL THOUGHTS!!!

If you are a therapy addict- do you go to therapy for it?
Why do people sit in stands? If there is a child acting in a X-rated movie will he be able to see the movie?
Why did someone decide that having a lisp should have an s in it, is that not a cruel joke?
Not living on an island is not living at all.

FAMILY!!!

Brothers lend me your ears, and I'll listen to you.
Sisters don't cry for me, I'll shed a tear for you.
Brothers come fight alongside me, and I'll fight for you.
Sisters be there for me, and I'll be here for you.
Brothers do the right thing for me, and I'll be alright with you.
Sisters please don't hate me, and I'll always love you.
Brothers fight to the very end, and I'll be your friend
Sisters don't leave me now, I'll stay here for you
Brothers when it gets dark, I'll light your way.
Sisters please wait for me, I'll be with you soon.
Mother Shine your light on your loving son
Father look for me now my life is done.
Brothers don't die for me, like I died for you.
Sisters don't pray for me, I never prayed for you.
Brothers you never needed me, like I needed you
Sisters be strong for me, I was too weak for you
Mother I can see you, but you can't see me.
Father you can see me, but I don't see you.
What do you see, when you look through me.

KARMA!!

Karma, can be good or bad, well so they say, who is they? They're them, but you just stated that they were they, now you state that they are them, what is it they or them? Karma is what you've done in the past, what you're doing now, and what you will do in the future.
Now if you can imagine, a working class hero, a woman and a jealous guy, just sitting there watching the wheels, playing mind games, giving out instant karma and singing power to the people and give peace a chance, will it be ( just like ) starting over?
What would you be doing?
Can you buy Karma? Could I go into Boots ( the chemist Boots and not a pair of that you put on your feet) and get a bottle/packet of Karma? Or the Heath Food Shop maybe? What gives you good Karma? And what gives you bad Karma? Does Karma really exist? If it does, can you see it? Do animals have/get Karma? And can they ( the animals ) pass it on to we humans? What does one have to do to get good Karma? And why is it that hippies can always feel Bad Karma? ( I'm thinking more of Neil from The Young Ones here )
Karma, Karma, Karma, Karmelion, it comes and goes, or does it?
Which blogger has the most Good Karma?
Which Blogger has the most bad Karma?
Which Blogger spreads the most Good Karma?
If Karma actually exists

HAVE YOU SEEN OUR FRIEND LATELY??

I have been searching for you everywhere, but can't find you. I looked for you at the UN Security Council meeting last week, but alas no sign of you. I searched for you at the Foreign Office, still no sign of you, not even a whiff of your odour, I tried Downing Street, but you haven't been there for a while, I had a wee peek in the Scottish Parly. ( just in case you had visited there recently ) but no, there was again no sign of you. I even had a look in The White House, I'm really getting desperate now, but nobody had ever heard of you. I then thought that maybe you had gone over to the Middle-East, ( although I know you've hardly ever been there ) but again you were nowhere to be seen, not in Iraq, Iran, Syria, Israel/Palestine or Lebanon. So where are you? Have you deserted us in our hour of need? Just when we need you the most you vanish, without a trace. Where are you my old friend?
My friends I have some very sad news for you, I don't know how to tell you, but I'll be brave and give it a go, but please understand that this is very hard for me to do.
This friend of all peoples helped us to decide things, like don't spend more than you earn, life isn't always fair, adults are in charge, and not children, . We should have seen this coming when, schools were required to get parental permission to put on a sticking plaster to a child's cut finger, or give out headache pills, but could hand out contraceptives and assist with abortions, but not inform the parents. Then we have those criminals in prisons being treated better than our beloved pensioners, and the victims of their crime. How did we not notice that our friend had passed away ( we never even knew that our friend was ill ) Is saying sorry too difficult a word for our leaders? Is saying sorry, but we thought that we were in Iraqi waters not the right thing to do? Could we not just sit down have a cup of coffee/tea and shake hands and be friends? Is it too much to ask? Well my friends I will now pause so that we can remember our good trusty friend in our own way ...................... Thank you friends, we will all miss Common-Sense, goodbye and thank you for reading this ......

A VALENTINE VERSE?

My love for you grows stronger every day,
My love for you will never ever fade away,
My love for you my darling is strong,
My love fir you will never go wrong,
This valentines day is just like any other,
Every passing year you get more like your mother,
She sits in her chair her face in a frown,
If I was a dog she would have me put down,
I jest my darling, my lovely Herself,
I want you one night all to myself,
But not tonight the footie is on,
When the kids are in bed and visitors gone,
We'll go upstairs and into our room,
Like we've done before as bride and groom
The bedroom door I'll firmly shut.
Because in this verse there'll be no smut.

LANGUAGES, AND OTHER STUFF

Hows it gaun.......this is slang for how are you doing today my good man/woman
Ma dukes are giein me jip.. .. My Haemorrhoids are quite painful today.
Getta fu' ya bassa... Please remove your personage from here, you fatherless person.
Rhyming slang is now an art form, therefore, I shall bring you rhyming slang from all over the British Isles.
Duke of Argyles is Piles
Duke of Montrose is Nose

Peas and gravy is Davy ( this is sometimes shortened to Peasand)
Tom foolery is Jewellery ( again usually referred to as Tom, not to be confused with other Toms, as seen on police programmes on the TV )
Brown Bread is Dead
Joe Baxi is Taxi ( usually reffered as a Joe )
trouble'n'strife is The wife
sweaty Sock is a Jock ( a slang term used south of the border, for Scots )
Lillian Gish is emm well slang for a No.1 as in P*sh.
But'n'benner is a Tenner, a ten pound note ( the currency used in these islands )
Gregory Pecks is specs ( short for spectacles )
Stewart Grainger is Danger ( as in No Stewart Grainger- no danger )
Green Gauges is wages ( again often shortened to greens )
Jack Palance is Chance ( usually used in the negative terms as in No Jack Palance- no chance )
Barney Rubble is trouble ( often used after the pubs close on a saturday night " Are you looking for a Barney" which translates as are you looking for trouble)
There are lots of others that exist, however some are of the crude variety like Merchant Banker, or Tom Tit, or Jimmy Riddle, or J. Arthur Rank, ( this is always shortened to J. Arthur as in " He's a right J. Arthur" ) and there are others that I can't recall at this present time ( a very unusual occurrence in this blog) so maybe this could be continued at a later time and date also, and please do remember that this is an art form, I'm trying to bring CULTURE to Blogging, a rare thing these days I'm afraid.
THE END ( for the time being, at least)

I was Thewhitesettler,
But now I'm gone
I was just another blogger
But now I'm done
This blog is over
What more can I say?
I've had some good times
But that was once a day
I've been in many guises
Yes I was NotStornoway

This blog is over
It's getting near the end
This is the last post
Thank you for being my Friend
So all you bloggers
I'm nearly all done
Yes I was Tws
But now I'm Gordon
My blog is over
I'm just gonna say goodbye
this blog is done with
I can't really tell you why
I was Thewhitesttler
And now I'm gonna be me
If you've read this far down
You're close to insanity
Cheers

ME TIME

This is me time
To do what I gotta do
So please just let me be
I've always been there for you

Yes it's me time
I owe you no apology
You've had nearly all I've got
Now I must be on my way

Because it's me time
I just wanna be on my own
I'll do what's best for me
So I need to be left alone

Yes this is me time
I just need to do some thinking
Some peace and tranquility
You know I won't be drinking

For it's me time
Can you see it in my eyes
I need some time for me
I've always hated goodbyes

This is me time
I can deal with the physical pain
It can't really hurt me
I think I'm just staying sane

This is just me time
I've gotta think of number one
Instead of everyone else
To undo all the knots I've done

I just need some me time
Do things I feel I need to do
I've nothing left to give
It isn't me this time it's you.

I need my me time
I am trying to make you understand
That it's not easy being me
So with a virtual wave of my hand

this is me time,
time for just myself
I'll be in touch some day
when I'm in better health