I am here to inform you that there is government stipulation, which states that ALL new houses must not be fitted with an electric doorbell. Now this will help, in a small way, to cut down the carbon emmissions, however a lot of new houses, and indeed older houses that are getting new doors ( we're getting one on Monday, well so he said, but did he say which Monday?) are being fitted with good old-fashioned knockers. I think that having knockers is a good thing, however there is a new campaign group started, that does not want knockers. they call themselves Women Against Noisy Knockers, or W-A-N-K for short. They believe that if everyone had knockers the world would be a very noisy place. A representative of WANK, said" I don't want to see great big knockers in my street, I'm all for going green, but having knockers, and big knockers, is not the way to go"  Some of them have been protesting outside Kate Price's house ( Jordan) because she has some of the biggest knockers in the country, and she's loud and proud of her knockers.
In summerising this, I feel that this is not the last we'll hear of WANK, and their protest against knockers.

There are cetain things in life that will never happen, or things that we know, or believe will never happen. When Hell freezes over, is one, Money growing on trees, is another, and I had some more in mind, but I've forgotten them, hey that's life.
If your Other Half, or boyfriend/girlfriend asked you " Do you wanna be on the television?" What would your answer be? Would it depend on what the programme was about? Maybe it could be The Jerry Springer Show?
Now if my Other Half asked me to join her on the Jerry Springer show, all the alarm bells in my brain would be ringing, like is she shagging someone else? Is she shagging a woman? Is she gonna move in with my brother/best friend? So why do these people that appear on the show say yes? Don't they know that their "Dirty Washing" is gonna be on show for the world to see? Are these people really that stupid to think that they're going on the show for a nice pleasant surprise? They may get a surprise, they might possibly get a shock, but it rarely, if ever, is a pleasant surprise. So why do they appear? Even those daytime shows that are on, like Trish, and Jeremy Kyle ( I think that's their titles, don't watch it, I have watched it, but it's the same old thing time and time again) are only there to make a fool of some poor uneducated sod.
So if you are asked to go onto one of these shows, treat them as the govt. wants us to treat people who want us to take drugs " Just Say No"
That's it then. Cheers...

Good morning, today I have a hospital appointment at 11.00am, and maybe I'll feel better afterwards. cause I don't feel too tickety-boo today ( even using the phrase " tickety-boo" shows that I'm not feeling tickety-boo, because I NEVER use that phrase) but I've never, that I recall, felt any better after a visit to the hospital, and I know that one day, far off perhaps, but one day I'll come out of hospital in a body-bag, dead. There is one thing we ALL have in common, we will all die sooner or later, it's good to know that we have something in common with our fellow human beans, even the Queen ( that's 'Liz, that resides in Buck'ham Palace) is gonna die some day. Right now on with this blog post thingy.
 Right here is a Limerick for you.
An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Once said "There is one thing I do know
A woman is fine
A sheep is divine
But a llama is numero uno

Those dirty little Argentinian shepherd boys, now you know what they get up to on a cold dark night, although you possibly never ever thought about it before in your life, but now you know.
Here's another one, a bit closer to home ( unless you live in Argentina, or The America's then it's farther away from home)
On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tatooed the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille
 Here's one for all those that would rather die wondering ( that'll be the virgins out there, and if you do die wondering, and go to heaven, you'll have to get shagged by all those suicide bombers, as that's what they do the suicide bombing for, because they are told, and are stupid enough to believe, that there are a hundred virgins waiting for them in heaven, so if you don't want shagged by some jihadist suicide bomber, just fuck the one you're with, and pop that Cherry of yours, I'll be round to check the sheets later on, but I digress)
There was a young lady called Wylde
Who kept herself quite undefiled
By thinking of Jesus
Contagious diseases
And the bother of having a child.

Rangers win the Scottish Cup, at least we won something.............

I don't know what's in store for me today?????? I've been away for 10 days and I'm just trying to get back to living normal life, well as normal as my life ever could be. I found some pictures on my computers picture place thing, it must have been some of my sons photographs, so since the sun is shining, and it's a beautiful morning, I'll share these photographs with you.
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If you click onto any of the above photographic masterpieces ( I'm just being modest there) you will see the bigger picture, and we're always being told to "Look at The Bigger Picture" so now you can, thanks to my good self ( and my bad self too). I'm educating you all once again, and I've never been to Teaching college, well not to learn how to teach anyway, I was going out with a student, many moons ago, and met her at the Teaching College, so technically, I have been to Teaching College, maybe some of the Teaching Magic found its way into my brain, and that is why I am such a super dooper Teacher, maybe not though, yeah?
I dunno what the pix are, they are of the island that I now reside on, and it is very sunny here today. My wife will be stripping                                                                             

the beds today, no doubt. Well that's it then, I'm gonna have a coffee, anyone want to come and sit out the back with me just now, with a mug of coffee in the sun, listening to the birds singing their songs, and just relaxing before the rest of the world wakes up. I'll go put the kettle on now, so if you want to just let me know. Cheers..

I'd just like to start this weblog posting by apologising to the good peoples of Madchester for dropping a bit litter.

If you look at the piece of litter near the 2 persons in view, well the 4th bit of litter on the left is mine, and I'm deeply ashamed of myself for dropping that sweetie wrapper, but it was very crowded, and we'd got a good spot to watch the match on the big screen, and if we had gone round looking for a litter bin that was not over-flowing, we may have lost our good spot in Piccadilly Gardens.

This is an aerial shot of the crowd, me and my Boy are just sitting on those hexagonal orange things on the right of the picture ( they were some kids soccer skills competition thing) We were not sitting on the top, but on the bottom, and it's the 1st shape from the bottom, on the far side, right in-between the guy in a kilt, skinning-up, and the 2 guys doing a few lines, well that's us then. ( not the 2 guys doing some lines, that's not us, we're next to them)
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In this photograph, none of the rubbish was, either mine, or my sons, so we couldn't put it in out pockets to take home with us, and put it in the bin at home. So sorry about the litter, but all the bins that I saw were over-flowing with rubbish, and nobody came to empty them. There were no large skips, that I could see, to cater for the large amounts of empty beer cans, take-away food wrappings, crisp and sweetie papers, juice cans/bottles old newspapers etc. I did ask a man in a bright green jacket where the rubbish should be put, and he pointed to the floor. I also asked where the nearest toilets were, and he pointed to a wall, so that was Madchester then, I didn't attack the police, I didn't scare anyone, or fight with anyone, I may have sang a few songs, and may have been trying to have a good time, but that all ended when the big screen went off. I waited for about 5 minutes then headed back to my hotel. The End.

I am a blogger, just a blogger
If you don't like me, I don't care
I'm a blogger a silly blogger
I'll do my blogging anywhere.

I am a man, Oh yes I am
I'll show you proof, if you care
I am a man, you'll see I am
Just take a look, if you dare

I like blogging, silly blogging
Just for fun, and we all share
I like women, yes any women
I don't get none, that's not fare

I am a man, an ordinary man
And yes, sometimes I swear
That's just me, or maybe not
You may be bald, I've got hair

I'm a blogger a silly blogger
I like a banana, and a juicy pear
I am a man, a silly old man
But my balls are still a pair

I am a man, I can understand
You may read this, then say a prayer
To your God, up in His Heaven
But when I need Him He's never there

I'm a blogger, just a blogger
If you don't like me, I won't care
I'm a blogger, like any other blogger
I am a man, I'm not a player.

My bag is packed, it's early morn, the taxi's waiting and blown his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet-plane
Don't know when I'll be back again.

That is a snippet from a Peter, Paul and Mary, song from the seventies, well I think it's the 70's, I hope it's not the 60's, it'll make me seem so much older than I really am.Well I'm off to the airport very soon, and I'll be away for longer than I was intending to be, no, I'm not planning on getting arrested by the polis, and spend a few nights in the cells, I'm going to visit my mother, and stay there for a week, and my Boy will be there as well, so won't be back until a week thursday then. Who cheered? Come on, own up. If you don't own up, I'll find an internet cafe, and post here everyday, and that way you'll all suffer.
Right that's me then, gotta go and do a serious dump, it's not quite at the touching cloth stage yet, and on the subject, I've not been going as regular as usual, it could be that I'm not on solids yet ( I'm not a little baby, I got my top set of teeth removed and a new plate fitted, therefore my gums are still sore, and I'm getting my food mashed up for me, or doing it myself, soup's good though) and not eating enough fibre, but I'll have some bran flakes today, oh but, I don't wanna have to do a dump on the plane, it's not a pleasant experience, I think they make the loo, on the plane, so uncomfortable, because they don't want anyone to have a number 2 in there, and stink the whole cabin out.
See this "Mile-High Club" lark, does it count if you go in to the loo and do it on your own? Like are ye a member of "The Mile-High Club" or would ye just be a wanker? I dunno, it's maybe for the judges on the panel to decide, but do you need photographic evidence, to become a member of the club, and if you do, can I have a wee look at photographs of members joining the club. Is it just men, or can women be in the club too? ( Did you see wot I did there? Well didya?)
Right gotta go, thank you very much for coming here and reading this thing that I do in this place that I do it in, it's very nice of you. Well see you in 10 days then ( well I won't see you, but you know what I mean. And if you do, could you tell me?) Cheers............

Good morning, it's a bit emm, misty here today, a bit of drizzle in the air, but it's still fairly warm. Enough of the idle chat. When I made my plane bookings between Here, Edinburgh and Manchester, and returning, I just picked the cheapest flights available ( hey I'm Scottish, it's taken us hundreds of years to get the reputation of being a bit tight-fisted, some say mean, some might say prudent, therefore I'm not gonna spoil that reputation, by looking at other more expensive alternatives) however, if I had looked at the times of the flights, I may not have chosen those particular flights. The reason I am stopping off at Edinburgh is because my mother lives there ( and my son is there just now too) that's good, yeah? I'm not using my mother, I'm paying her a visit, but due to my booking the flights by the cheapest option available, I'll hardly see her. I arrive in Edinburgh about noon on monday, I leave for Manchester mid-day on tuesday, I return from manchester near midnight on thursday night, and I return home at seven friday morning, which means that I have to be at the airport by 6am. I will need to get up at about 4.30am ( which is about normal for me) after getting back to my mothers house at about 1 in the morning, all being well, therefore I'll not really have much time with my mother. I have tried to get the times changed, but they want another £100+ and a £50 admin. charge. I've worked it out that the longer I stay, the more money I'll spend, plus I'd have to cough up £150 minimum for the extra days. There's one of those sayings, it's do something in haste, and repent at leisure, I can't recall what it is that you do something, but I think it might be apt for my situation. I'm still thinking about what to do.
I'm still not able to eat solids yet, due to my teeth being taken out, and my gums are still sore and I can't bite with the falsies yet, but I'm still keeping them in ( oh BTW the falsies are my false teeth, and not boobs, breasts, or any other non-manly thing) and I gargled with salt'n'water yesterday, and I shall do so again today.  I'm getting quite stressed out about everything, and it's not helping, I think that's why I'm getting the muscle spasms in my back, it's bloomin' sore people.
I'm gonna end it now, so thank you for reading this guff that I just wrote, and look after your teeth, falsies are not all they're cracked up to be. Cheers...

I've just had my top set of teeth removed, and a plate fitted. The numbness is wearing off, and the pain is starting to get to me. It feels like I've got a foreign body in my mouth ( not an actual foreign body of a person, like not Antlady, or any body, but a small piece that shouldn't be there) and my teeth are still hurting, that's the ones that the dentist chavvy took out. I wonder if it's like when you lose a leg, and you get an itchy toe, even though the toe is not there? Hmm, maybe, anyway it's not pleasant just now. I've got lots of pain-killers to help, but I sometimes think that if you use them too much your body ( well mine really) builds up a resistance to them. That may be a load of crap, but it's just my opinion, and since I've been on drugs for over 10 years now ( prescription drugs, this ain't no Oprah Winfrey confession time, oh no) I think that, maybe, just maybe though, my opinion does count a bit.
I'm going for a lie down, it's very hot here today, 25 degrees centigrade in the car. It is that hot here, that I got to use the Air Con. in the car today, and there was me saying, when we got it, " That's not gonna be much use up here" Well I was wrong, and that's the end of that, apart from this. Last week there was some sun lotions on special offer in a local shop, very cheap, less than a pound each, so I bought 3 bottles, they laughed at me then, but who's laughing now? ( The answer is me) That's it Cheers.........

Good morning, I have to go and get my top set of teeth out, and get a new plate fitted today. I had forgotten all about it, because there has been so much going on ( there hasn't really, but I like to think there has) in my life the past few weeks. My 17 year old son has left home. He has moved to the big city, well he has moved to the Scottish Lowlands from his birthplace of the Scottish Highlands and Islands. This makes my Manchester trip a bit tricky, I can go from Stornoway to Edinburgh on my own, as there will be someone meeting me at the other end, but if my son doesn't show up at his grannies in time for the plane to Manchester, I don't think that I could manage it on my own. He has assured me that he will be there, but what if he meets a girl and gets jiggy with her? He is 17 remember, and at that age getting jiggy with a female is the most important thing in life. I remember at that age, I'd have shagged anything with a bit of hair round it ( apart from a mans arse) in fact I would've shagged a barbers shop floor, and come out all sticky. So it could be tricky, but at the moment I am still going to Manchester.
There is still no news about the Manchester authorities erecting ( now at 17 I would've got a semi at seeing that word) big screens for the thousands of ticket-less fans heading to Manchester. There are 2 buses going from Stornoway, plus the planes to Glasgow, and Edinburgh are nearly fully booked next week, so hopefully they'll do something, and not just keep telling ticketless fans to not come to Manchester. The last time that I checked, this was still a free country, not a police state, a free country that my grand father died on the beaches of Dunkirk to keep free. Why are we being treated differently from other fans? Why is Manchester not putting up big screens, as is usual for the host city at these big footballing events? I'm sure that they have areas big enough to put big screens up, but they have just buried their heads in the sand.
Well hopefully all will be alright on both fronts, my teeth and my Manchester trip. Right Cheers then....

Hello again, I've got my planes to Manchester all booked, I've even got a hotel room booked, Travel Lodge Chorley Preston, however I still don't have a ticket. I did the lottery last night, but no luck, have entered into 5 competitions, and so far, 3 of them have been won by someone else, and, if I'm being honest, I think the lottery is my best way, as I'll have loads of money, and just buy a ticket for £5 000, or whatever. I have nearly everything in place, except for the damn ticket, so if any of you, lovely, lovely, sweet, kind people out there, have a couple of tickets ( I'm going with Boy, I'm not sure who's looking after who?) to spare, then do get in touch. I am not a wealthy man, so, unless I win the lottery, about £250 is my max for tickets, which would mean that I don't drink over the few days I'm in Manchester, but I'm willing to go DRY, just to be able to say " I WAS THERE"
Other news now. I've not been too good health-wise, and have been taking the stronger pills, which help, but mess with my head, and I may have deleted a few friends, if you are one of my deleted friends, I apologise. I don't recall doing it, or why I left 2 friends undeleted, maybe I conked out, but again all I can do is apologise. You see that is me, I'm up and down, and I can't help it, I wish that I could, but apparently not.
So to all the friends I've had before,
 I'm sure that you know the score,
 I'm lying naked on the floor ( I'm not really)
so please don't push me out your door,
That's it then Cheers....

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YIPEEE, WE ARE THE PEOPLE. LAST NIGHT RANGERS GOT THROUGH TO THE FINAL OF THE UEFA CUP. SO ME AND MY BOY ARE GOING TO MANCHESTER, WITH OR WITHOUT TICKETS, TO BE THERE WHEN WE GO UP TO LIFT THE UEFA CUP, I'LL BE THERE, OH I'LL BE THERE, IN THE SQUARE, OR AT THE MATCH, OR JUST TO WATCH IT ON A BIG SCREEN IN MANCHESTER. I'M SOOOOO HAPPY TODAY THAT I THINK I'M GONNA CRY, COME THE 'GERS.
MANCHESTER WATCH OUT I'M COMING, POSSIBLY ALONG WITH 40 000 OTHER RANGERS FANS, SO GET THE PARTY STARTED, PARTY, PARTY, PARTY.
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, WE DID IT, YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'M OVER THE MOON, IN A BIG BLUE BALLOON,
C U L8ER CHEERS.....................
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES............